The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste official source your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry Full Article with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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